Forgiveness
by hermin22
Summary: Sometimes you have to forgive and let go to start something new.


Forgiveness

The old countryside church was full of people when Hermione, along with the Weasleys and Harry, arrived. Another funeral. Another day of saying goodbye to dear friends. Hermione couldn't take it anymore. After Fred's funeral, she had thought it couldn't possibly get any harder, but seeing Remus' and Tonks' baby in the front row was almost her breaking point. She needed to sit before she couldn't stand anymore and let her eyes wander around the parish. It was rather full apart from one of the rows on the right, fairly in the middle. She would recognise that hairstyle everywhere. Almost black hair with strands of grey, held up in a tight knot. Minerva McGonagall. That explained why the row was almost empty. Not many people dared coming too close to the stern Headmistress.

While the Weasleys and Harry started squeezing themselves into the last two free rows at the front, Hermione stopped halfway down the aisle and sat down next to her old Professor. The stern witch looked just as awful as Hermione felt, and she suddenly wondered if it was possible to die of a broken heart. Minerva acknowledged Hermione's arrival with a curt nod when the first speaker started coming forward.

It was terrible. Hermione couldn't take it anymore. She somehow managed not to sob loudly, but a steady stream of silent tears ran down her cheeks. If she had glanced to the right, she would have been surprised to find no tears at all on Minerva's face. She looked as if she was made of stone.

As the last one in the endless rows of speakers started talking, Hermione reached over to place her right hand on top of her former professor's, staring at the coffins without seeing anything. She needed to hold on to someone alive. She didn't even register that the tense witch beside her didn't move at all. It took a long minute until the old woman moved her stiff, cold fingers to accommodate the young, soft hand. It was warm and comforting, and the Professor clasped it tightly.

Suddenly feeling a pressure on her hand, Hermione took a glance at Minerva. To Hermione, it was obvious that the elder woman needed comfort as much as she did. There wasn't a trace of a single tear, and if her mentor felt as much grief as she did, she would have to let go at some point or she would explode.

The last words were spoken, and people slowly started leaving. With a gentle squeeze, Hermione let go of her mentor's hand as they both got up slowly. They looked at each other, and it seemed neither knew what to say.

"Would you go for a walk with me? I need a break from all this." Hermione wasn't ready to part with the stern which.

"Miss Granger, I… I can't walk very far at the moment, I'm afraid." She didn't want to go for a walk or see anyone, but somehow she just couldn't say no.

Hermione's heart sank. Of course she'd say no. "It doesn't have to be far. Just a few steps in fresh air," she tried.

Minerva nodded. "Very well, Miss Granger. Do you have somewhere in mind or would you allow me to choose?"

It was hard to tell who was more surprised by the old woman's consent.

"Please do, Professor. Just give me a moment to let Harry know."

* * *

"Where are we?" A small cottage to her right and a path leading to a coastline didn't give away too much.

"In Scotland."

Hermione nodded, and they slowly started walking on the path towards the coast. Noticing that the old woman struggled walking without a walking stick, Hermione instinctively offered her arm. It was second nature to Hermione to offer a helping hand, but of course, Minerva McGonagall was a very proud and stubborn woman.

"I don't need help," she snapped.

Holding her hands up in defeat, Hermione regretted her offer immediately. "Fine," she said and started walking at a normal pace, cold wind blowing at her. "Maybe I do," she muttered.

Minerva heard the whispered words, and her heart constricted painfully. "Hermione," she called the young witch who had already put a few meters between them.

Hermione stopped walking but didn't turn around.

With difficulty, Minerva walked to catch up with the girl. She hadn't brought her walking stick, thinking she wouldn't need it at the funeral.

Looking at the greyish ocean in front of her, Hermione felt a hand reaching around her arm and started walking, her pace accommodating the elder witch beside her.

"I'm sorry."

Hermione still didn't look at her. "No, Professor. I am sorry. This probably wasn't such a good idea after all."

"Why do you think that?" Her voice was starting to sound strained, and she knew she'd reached her limit. Thankfully, the coast was close now and there was a bench overlooking the waves. "Would you mind sitting down for a moment?"

Hermione was leading them towards the bench, thinking about the question.

"Well, we didn't exactly part on friendly terms when I left Hogwarts, and you weren't available to me to talk after the battle. That doesn't seem a good basis for a walk together. I think it's best I leave now. I'm sorry, Professor."

Minerva held on to Hermione's arm as she painfully sat and didn't let go, pulling the girl down. "Sit with me, Miss Granger."

She waited until Hermione fulfilled her request. "I waited for you to come and talk to me after the battle. After what I said to you, I wasn't sure you'd still want to talk," she admitted honestly.

"Professor, I did come to you to talk. Three times. Every time someone more important came before I could get a word in and you were needed elsewhere."

"Miss Granger, that is not…" Not true, she wanted to say when images came to her mind. Hermione coming towards her a few times, but Kingsley, Poppy and Filius beating her to it and calling her away. The Headmistress was indeed often needed elsewhere, and maybe she allowed them to whisk her away because she wasn't ready to face the girl after what she had said to her before she left the castle. She sighed audibly. "You are right. I thought we would have time to talk later, but you were suddenly gone."

"Talk later?" Hermione shook her head. "How many times did you think I'd try? After everything you've said, I wasn't even sure you'd want to see me."

Minerva took a deep breath. The girl was right, and she desperately needed to apologise. She just didn't know how. "Of course, I did. But you were gone without a word or trace." There was a hint of accusation in the tone of her voice Hermione didn't like.

The young woman raised her eyebrows. "And here the cat bites its tail, doesn't it? I did try to tell you that I needed to leave for a while. You were too busy to hear it."

There was no denying that Hermione was right. "Are you going to tell me now?"

Hermione turned to look at the endless waves. "I went to Australia to see my parents."

"To Australia? I didn't know they had moved." Why didn't she know about that?!

"No, you wouldn't. I altered their memories and sent them there." Her voice sounded as if she was talking about something that didn't matter to her, but Minerva knew better.

"You did what?" Shocked hugely underestimated what she felt right now, but Hermione only shrugged.

"I did what I had to do to keep them safe. I altered their memories and sent them away. I tried to talk to them after the war, but it wasn't very successful. They can't forgive me."

Minerva grabbed Hermione's arm to make her look into her eyes. "Why didn't you come to me, Hermione? I would have helped you."

A sad smile appeared on the young woman's face. "How could I have come to you after everything you said to me? No, that wasn't an option, and as they aren't Wizards, nobody thought of them. With me as a daughter, they were a prime target, so I did what I could to protect them. I am not here to talk about my parents, though." It was true. It was a touchy subject, and Hermione wanted to help the proud witch get through the aftermath of the war and not make her feel guilty.

Shame started burning in Minera's chest. Why had nobody thought of Hermione's parents? As Muggles, they surely would have been dead by now if Hermione hadn't done the unthinkable. She would never forgive herself for letting Hermione go through that on her own.

Seeing the inner tumult, Hermione briefly touched the elder woman's arm to get her attention. "Please, Professor, I'm not here to talk about that. I wanted to find out how you are coping?"

"We have to talk about that, Miss Granger! Are they still in Australia? Where are you staying?"

"Maybe, but not here and not now. I'm staying with the Weasleys at the moment. They are very nice to me, but the situation is a bit taxing, to be honest. Ronald and I are not on best terms right now. Now, how are you, Professor?"

That was a lot to take in. She had failed Hermione in so many ways and yet, she was here, not to accuse her but to find out how she was. "I'm fine, Miss Granger. Getting a bit chilly," she said absentmindedly.

"Aha," Hermione replied and didn't believe a word. The stern woman was far from fine. She was right though, that it was getting chilly now that clouds had gathered above them. "I will let you go to get warm then."

There was a little pause. "Please, Miss Granger, would you come in for tea? I feel we need to finish our talk inside."

There was so much to talk about, but the cold wind was chilling her, and she felt she needed a Firewhiskey for what was to come.

Hermione nodded. "If that's what you want. Do you have somewhere in mind?"

"The small cottage at the beginning of the path is my home. If you are agreeable, I'd like to invite you there."

"Thank you." Hermione got up and waited for the old woman to follow, but after a moment, Minerva reached out to hold on to Hermione. Her cold and stiff joints didn't like movement very much, and she hissed in pain as she straightened.

Hermione covered the cold fingers that held on tightly to her upper arm. "Let's get you warm, Professor."

Very slowly, they walked back to the small cottage. "It is very pretty."

Minerva nodded, concentrating on putting one step after the other. "It's my hideaway from the rest of the world."

They were standing in a cosy sitting room, and Hermione recognised the Gryffindor tower taste. Did the Professors decorate the common rooms at Hogwarts? She had never thought about that before.

"Please sit, Miss Granger," the old witch interrupted her musings.

Hermione shook her head. "No, please let me help, Professor. You really need to sit, and I am capable of making tea."

She did need to sit, but she couldn't allow her guest to do the work! "Miss Granger, you really…"

"Professor, please. Why does everything have to be a fight?" Hermione questioned. "You are obviously in pain and need to sit. I am fine, can make tea and get a pain relief potion for you if you tell me where I can find them. And I'd prefer it if you'd call me Hermione."

Minerva knew when she was beaten. "Very well, Miss… Hermione. The kitchen is through there," she said and pointed at a door behind the young witch. "I trust you'll find your way around. The potion is on the counter."

Hermione smiled and was almost through the door when Minerva called her back. "Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

The old woman watched Hermione smile and disappear into the kitchen. She lit the fire and gingerly sat on the sofa, her body protesting at the movement. She tried to use the time to collect her thoughts, but Hermione was very quick with tea.

"Here you go, Professor," she said as she handed over the cup with the added pain meds.

Minerva closed her eyes as the hot liquid touched her throat, warming her up from within. Hermione was about to sit in an armchair, but the elder woman quickly patted on the free space on the sofa next to her.

With questioning eyes, Hermione sat down, looking expectantly at her former mentor.

"Hermione, please listen to me. I am so sorry for all the things I said to you when you told me you'd leave Hogwarts."

"Professor…"

"No, please just listen now. When you told me, you'd leave, I didn't think straight. It is inexcusable what I said, and nothing of it is true. The truth is that I was terrified that you'd get hurt. I had just lost Albus, and the thought that I could lose you, too, made me say things I'll regret for the rest of my life. I didn't mean any of it, Hermione. I know that once the words are said, the damage is done, but I hope in time you'll be able to forgive me. I am truly sorry, child."

Taking the words in, Hermione lowered her head. For a moment, she didn't know what to say, but as she didn't want to leave the old women hanging there, she reached out and carefully took her still cold hand.

"I… all the time we were out there, I tried to recall the good moments we've had together, but all I could think of was how much I disappointed you in the end."

Minerva closed her eyes and squeezed the hand in hers, regret washing over her like a cold, black wave. "I went to bed every night thinking that my words to you might be the last I ever said to you if either of us didn't make it. I couldn't have lived with myself if that had been the case. I thought I had destroyed your trust in me completely, and now you are here and I am so ashamed I don't know what to do."

Hermione looked at her with tear-filled eyes. "Please don't be ashamed. You were scared, and I understand that. It hurt more than I can say, but I always understood what you were trying to do. May I…" She took a deep breath. "May I give you a hug?" she asked shyly.

Feeling her own tears, the old woman opened her arms wide. "Oh child, you never have to ask that, never. Come here."

Hermione melted into the waiting arms, clinging tightly to the witch she had missed so much.

"I am so sorry, Hermione. So sorry," Minerva whispered over and over. She couldn't believe Hermione was here with her after everything she had said to her. "My dear child."

It took quite a while until they were both ready to leave each other's warmth.

The both occupied themselves with their tea for a moment until they got their emotions back under control.

Minerva was first to speak again. "Now, please tell me about your parents."

Stricken teary eyes met Minerva's. "Please, Professor. Not now. I can't have another talk like this tonight. Please not tonight."

The old woman could see that Hermione needed a rest and held up one arm, hoping her charge would know what she wanted, and as usual, the smart witch didn't disappoint. She carefully sat back, close to her mentor, and allowed Minerva to put her arm around her. She sighed contently as she nestled closer.

"It's alright, my dear," Minerva assured. "We need to talk about it, though. Will you tell me tomorrow, please?"

A nod followed a little pause. "I promise. Thank you for your understanding."

"Do the Weasleys know?" They must know. How else would Hermione explain her presence?

Surprisingly, Hermione shook her head. "No. I only told Harry about it."

How exhausting it must be to keep that a secret. "You mentioned that it's difficult with Ronald at the moment."

Hermione laughed humourless. "Yes, to put it nicely. He thinks we should be together like Harry and Ginny, and while I love him as a friend, I am not in love with him. I don't think he is really in love with me. He just likes the idea of it."

That sounded like Ronald. It was good news that Hermione saw through that. "And he didn't like your no?"

Thinking back of the talks she'd had with Ron, Hermione hoped that one day things would be normal between them again. "No, not at all. He just can't accept it, and with Fred's death, he is a bit unstable anyway."

At the mention of Fred's death, the old woman felt a sharp pain in her chest. She just couldn't imagine George without his twin. There was nothing more painful for a family than the death of a child. "Your friendship is so deep, I am sure he'll come around in the end. Maybe you two just need a little space."

At the moment it seemed unlikely. "I hope so. I would give us space, but my options are somewhat limited at the moment. Until Hogwarts reopens, I'm stuck."

"Will you come back?" Instantly, the thought of having Hermione back at Hogwarts made her feel lighter.

The young witch turned and looked into familiar green eyes. "I would like to, if you'd let me. I want to finish my exams and need a little time to work out what I want to do."

Tightening her hold around her charge, Minerva smiled gently. "I'd be more than happy to have you back, Hermione. I don't know how long the rebuilding will take, but I am hoping to reopen in September."

A radiant smile appeared on the girl's face. "Thank you. I really appreciate that." She snuggled a little closer.

For a while, they sat in silence, each occupied with their thoughts.

"Hermione?"

"Hm?"

"If you'd like that, I do have a guest room here. You're welcome to stay here if you want to escape Ronald for a while." She was sore and tired and needed a break from humankind, but all that didn't matter when Hermione was here. She didn't mind Hermione being here in her hiding place. The girl had seen her at her worst and yet, she was here. Hermione had reached out to her when she didn't know how, and for that, she'd be forever grateful.

The offer was outrageous, and Hermione knew it. "Are you sure? Did you really think that through?"

Minerva laughed at the doubtful questions. "Yes, child. I am sure."

Hermione sat a little straighter and turned to face the elder woman.

"I would love to stay with you, but first, I have a question for you, and I need you to answer me truthfully."

Minerva raised her eyebrows. "Very well."

"When you teach me something, do you think about how stupid and incapable I am that you have to teach me?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course not! You are a joy to teach, Hermione. It fills me with pride when I see you achieve something and know that I had a small part in your success. I enjoy teaching."

"See, when I offer you my arm or a hand in whatever you are doing, I never do it out of pity or because I think you are unable or too weak to do something. I do it, because I enjoy doing things for you and with you. It is second nature to me and never meant in a patronising way. If you let me stay here with you, I will do things for you, just because I enjoy it. When I go shopping with Ginny, we link arms when we walk down the streets. Not because one of us finds it difficult to walk, just because we care for each other and enjoy the closeness. If you really invite me to stay here, you need to accept that I can't look away when I see you struggling with something. I will always, always offer you a hand and pamper you a bit, and if you think you can't handle that without snapping at me all the time, then I'd rather stay with the Weasleys. I understand you don't want to appear weak in front of others, and I will stand back as much as I can when there are other people around, but when it's just us, don't bite my head off for something I can't and won't ever change."

Minerva took a moment to think about Hermione's words. "I promise that I will try, Hermione. I get very cross with myself when I can't do things I want to do, and I am not a very patient person. I fought so much in my life, and in between, I needed to keep discipline at Hogwarts. Appearing weak wasn't an option in either cases and is contradicting the persona I portrait."

"I understand that. I really do. But you have to understand that if I stay here, you'll have to let me in, or we'll hurt each other constantly. You also have to remember that you'd do just the same. Just imagine I get unwell while I am here. Wouldn't you make sure I've got everything I need? Wouldn't you try to make me feel better? Wouldn't you look after me just because you care? "

There was no arguing with the girl's reasoning. Of course she would. The mere fact that Hermione was here after everything she had said to her showed clearly that she genuinely cared about her. There was also no denying that she had allowed Hermione to come closer than anybody else in a very, very long time. "Of course I would. I know that everything you said is correct, and I will try my best. I am an old woman, though, and find it hard to change my ways. With your help, I would like to try."

"Then I would love to stay with you." She leaned forwards and enclosed the old woman in a heartfelt hug. "Thank you, Professor. Thank you very much."

The old woman didn't let go of Hermione. "You are very welcome, dear. Please call me Minerva."

"Thank you, Minerva," the young witch said, feeling honoured by the offer.

Hermione sat back and took a sip of cold tea from her cup. "Uhrg. I'll make new tea when I'm back."

"Are you coming back tonight?" Minerva asked hopefully. Something in her heart told her that she needed the girl here with her.

"If I may?" Hermione asked shyly.

If the girl only knew how warm the thought made her feel inside. "Of course! I'm looking forward to it."

Reassured, a bright smile erupted on Hermione's face. What a wonderful turn this day had taken. It had started as one of the worst days in her life, and now she was here with her beloved mentor. A closer look at the elder witch showed clearly how much this day had taken out of her.

Hermione squeezed Minerva's arm lightly. "Why don't you take a little nap while I'm gone? You look exhausted."

A nap sounded heavenly. Now that the tension had given way to contentment, she felt her energy and concentration slip. "I am rather tired. I didn't have a good night yesterday." Nightmares, pain and the approaching goodbye to Tonks and Remus had left her sleepless for most of the night.

Hermione had a fair idea of what had kept Minerva up. "Do you need another potion before I leave? Are you still in pain?"

The tired witch patted Hermione's knee. She was such a thoughtful girl. "I am sore," she admitted, "but I will manage without another potion."

Hermione nodded understandingly. There was a limit as to how many potions one should take. "Can I get you anything else before I leave?"

"No, darling. I'll be fine." She really just needed a nap.

Hermione got up and took a large log from the pile. "Why don't you get comfortable and I'll restock the fire. Shall I bring pizza for supper? I am in no mood for cooking tonight."

The sore witch carefully lied down for a nap. "Pizza?"

Hermione smiled amused. "Yes. It's Muggle food. I'll bring some home for you to try. It's good."

It filled her with unexpected happiness when Hermione used the word 'home'. "Fine. I can't say I'm in the mood for cooking either."

Hermione smiled as she covered Minerva with a blanket she took from one of the armchairs. "That's settled then." She gazed lovingly at her mentor and thought how privileged she was to see the stern witch like that. Bending down, she gently brushed a strand of grey hair away and after a moment of hesitation, placed a soft little kiss on her forehead, hoping she hadn't overstepped the boundaries. Her heart filled with hope and love when she saw the elder woman smiling contently with closed eyes. "See you later, darling."

"Sleep well, Minerva. I'll be back as soon as I can."

* * *

_AN: Thank you for all your lovely reviews and words of encouragement. I'm rather productive at the moment and have two other stories lined up for you when my great Beta is ready._


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